UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT!
★ "If It Survived War, It'll Survive Your Commute!" ★
You are visitor #
2,847,293
since 1997!
If it survived an RPG, your daily commute is NOTHING.
Every dent tells a story. Every bullet hole is a conversation starter.
Why pay more for a "clean" Carfax when you can have a REDACTED one?
We don't ask where it came from. You don't ask where it's been. Deal?
We only sell ONE type of vehicle. THE vehicle. You know the one.
Looking for something else?
WHY WOULD YOU?
(This is THE vehicle. There is no other.)
TRUSTED SINCE 1997*
"That's me in front of one of our many locations!"
(Location may not actually exist)
Howdy, friend! 👋
I'm Honest Al, and I've been in the tactical vehicle acquisition business for over 30 years!
After a successful career in... import/export... I decided to share my passion for Toyota Land Cruisers with the American public.
Every vehicle on this lot has been personally inspected by yours truly. I check every bullet hole, smell every mysterious stain, and test every "aftermarket modification."
My motto? "If I wouldn't drive it through a warzone, I won't sell it to you!"
*Al has never actually driven through a warzone. Al's real name may not be Al. "Honest" is a family name.
24.99% APR*
*Rate may increase based on vibes
0% APR!!!
*Cash, money orders, gold bars accepted
NEGOTIABLE
*Al reserves right to refuse any trade that "feels weird"
DISCLAIMER: Honest Al's Tactical Toyota Emporium is not a licensed financial institution. Financing terms are suggestions. Interest rates are more of a vibe. Your mileage may vary. Literally - we don't guarantee odometer accuracy.
123 Definitely Real Street
Warehouse District, NV 89001
(Behind the pawn shop, next to the place that used to be a Blockbuster)
1-800-WAR-CARS
(If busy, try again. Al might be "acquiring inventory")
Mon-Sat: "Business Hours"
Sunday: By Appointment Only
Holidays: Depends on Al's Mood
totallyreal@hotmail.com
(Response time: 3-5 business weeks)
*Form doesn't actually work. For fastest response, show up with cash.
